My wife Tiffany’s life has been hell for quite a while now. Our son Jack’s autism is destroying her bit-by-bit. We moved from California to Colorado in March 2012 seeking a better life, but it got even worse. There wasn’t a school there for him that was safe and he stayed at home starting in May 2012.
After failing in our attempt to resolve his school situation, we decided to relocate to Pennsylvania. I got a job and had to leave the family 10 weeks early. She had to take care of all three of our kids and pack our house while I was gone. She’d frequently function on 4-6 hours of sleep max because she’d have to wait until Jack was in bed before getting her work done.
When school ended, she headed down to California with the kids to stay with her family while we purchased a house in Pennsylvania. Those temporary arrangements made things even worse for Jack, as he developed a severe dependency issue with her. The family got out here a month ago and he’s been glued to her hip ever since. Within a minute of the time I was with them at the airport, he got upset when I tried to walk next to him instead of Tiff walking next to him.
![Jack last night. The reason I'm putting this photo in there ... you see that artwork on the fridge? My daughter made that so we could cover up a dent he made. When he gets upset or frustrated, we have to put a padded helmet on him because he'll hit his head into things.](http://www.operationjack.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/photo-2-e1376357962345-225x300.jpg)
He now gets separation anxiety so bad that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he’ll have meltdowns until she’s in his room, sleeping on the floor. She spends all day chasing him around as he gets bored and frustrated. No activity is good enough for him and she doesn’t have any help. She can’t step away from him, or else he’s a danger to himself and everything in our house. He just broke his iPad over the weekend, probably the 10th or so time this has happened. We get the screens repaired and Apple has been really good to help us for free, but enough is enough with this.
Unfortunately, he’s going stir crazy even worse and Tiff has virtually no existence of her own. She broke down crying last night, telling me that she was sorry she didn’t get anything done around the house and sorry that she had snapped at me. I told her I didn’t mind, that I know she’s going through hell and she has been for quite a while and she will be until he starts school on September 3.
I feel bad for her. I feel terrible for her. But you know who I really feel terrible for?
Jack.
He was having another meltdown last night and I was looking at him as he was sitting at a table in the kitchen. Tiff was sobbing pretty badly, talking about how bad she feels for him. And I totally agree. I look at him, an innocent 9-year-old (turning 10 next month). He’s still wearing diapers. He’s still wearing a padded helmet because he’s still injuring himself when he gets upset. He’s still not talking
I look at him and see a ruined body, a ruined mind, a ruined life. He has pain with his leaky gut every day. I can’t imagine what it’s like to always be in pain, when every meal makes you hurt. I can’t imagine what he must think when he looks at the world through his little eyes. Does he have any happiness? Does he hate dragging through every day? And never mind what could have been or should have been.
I can get selfish and get upset about what his autism does to my life. I often sit and think about what it does to her life. But then I look at what it does to his life. He’s the biggest loser in all of this. Hopefully that changes someday.
Unrelated quick plugs: See what Operation Jack is, aka why I even have this site. Check out the Operation Jack Marathon or just register! Great race, great price, great cause! And check out our satellite race in Kansas City. Also, I blame this on Operation Jack supporter Jake Rome, but … I guess I’m for sale.[subscribe2]
Hi, Sam! We finally moved to Colorado. Beautiful place! It’s too bad your family wasn’t able to stay longer but I pray Philadelphia offers you all the best for Jack, Ben, and Ava. We are in Ft. Collins staying with my sister in law and her hubby… The super fast runner I told you about. Anyway, God bless your family. Take care! You and Tiffany are probably going to be saints in Heaven someday for all the love you’ve given to your family and friends. =)
It’s sad to know Sam is suffering but remember his soul is not held back by his body. Hopefully, he knows Jesus, that Jesus suffered too, and is able to enjoy Christ’s peace from time to time. Keep fighting the good fight and remember Jeremiah 29:11. I will keep your family in my prayers.